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Everything is a Love Problem and Only You Can Solve It (with Sheri Salata)

Erin: [00:00:00] Welcome to Hotter Than Ever, where we uncover the unconscious rules we've been following, we break those rules, and we find a new path to being freer, happier, more self loving, and more self expressed. I'm your host, Erin Keating.

Today I get into a really deep conversation with Sheri Salata, who has gone from being a big wig in the world of Oprah to directly helping women transform their own lives. We talk about the relationship between achievement and worthiness, how to have your own back instead of constantly people pleasing. The importance of seeking your own approval and learning to be okay with completion and letting things go. Here is that conversation.

I am so excited to have Sheri [00:01:00] Salata here today. If you do not know who she is, you should. She is an author, a world class producer, and a transformation doula. She's the founder and CEO of The Support System, which is a global membership group for women dedicated to creating real life transformation. Amen. And she wrote this incredible memoir. It's called The Beautiful No and Other Tales of Trial, Transcendence, and Transformation.

It is, uh, on my must read list and it is an Amazon Editor's Choice Best Memoir and an Apple Must Listen audiobook. And Sheri spent 20 years in the Oprahverse, the land of Oprah. And in the final season, she was an executive producer of the Oprah Winfrey Show, the president of Harpo Studios, and the president of OWN, which is Oprah's network.

And she was on camera in the Hit Cable series, Season 25, Oprah Behind the Scenes.

Welcome Sheri Salata.

Sheri: Hi. Hi there, Erin. I was [00:02:00] busy. I was busy. Yeah, you were. I was very busy. I was a busy, busy girl.

Erin: And I imagine that you are still busy, but in very different ways.

Sheri: Very different ways. I'll never be that busy again. That was, you know, that's a, that was a moment in time. That was a ride, a journey and once in a lifetime, once in world history and never to be repeated again. And, and what an honor to have been a part of it 20 years in the land of Oprah.

Erin: Do you feel like a different person today?

Sheri: Oh yeah. I've come to see for myself is that these, these versions of ourselves and our lives that we create, that we call forth. We're not the same person. You're not the same person you were last year. And you're not the same person you were before because you're taking things in, you're evolving, you're getting new perspectives, you're changing. So, you know, I think about the various me's. That worked at the Oprah show [00:03:00] over time over those 20 years and no, I'm not the same person, but I, I will be honest with you.

I don't, my memory is not super great on a lot of it because it's like being on a rollercoaster and the scenes just rushing by.

Erin: Right, right. You're so in action that you, you kind of aren't checking out the scenery. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I totally relate to that having come off of a run in a very intense job for the last six years and then waking up afterwards and being like, what the fuck was that?

Right. Why did I work like that? What was I? What was I after?

Sheri: That's a good question. What was I after? Do you know the answer to that yet?

Erin: Yeah. I think so. I think I was after, I was, I was after a house, wanted to buy a house. It was money. Definitely. I was after invention and innovation and wanting to make a mark in the media world and try something [00:04:00] different that I'd never done before and challenge myself.

I want to learn to be a leader. I learned to be a leader in that job. Awesome. I was also in hiding from my marriage, from the chaos of my personal life. So I wanted to, uh, avoid a lot of things and I used work to do that.

Sheri: Oh my gosh, that is just brilliant and vulnerable and I feel changed forever by that.

But I have to agree. There definitely is a piece of it that's about hiding, hiding from the rest of your life that may not be going so well. And I think also for me, it was, I, it was that, that Midwestern kind of old fashioned wanting to make something of myself and realizing that. Gradually as I was around it more, I could see what it was going to take for that to happen.

And I knew it was a terrible price. I was willing to pay it. [00:05:00] And the version me today, is this me willing to pay it? No, no. But, and, and maybe I have that luxury because I did once. And I had that experience.

Erin: Yeah, I think so. I think You know, the only way to the other side of those feelings is through, right? And like, once I stopped hiding from my personal life stuff, the job stuff became less tolerable because I wanted to live in my actual life and not just in my work. But it's hard to see it when you're in it. It's really hard to see it. You're like that proverbial. You know, fish in the ocean doesn't even know it's in the ocean.

Sheri: Yeah, that's really true. I had a real crazy mixed up relationship between achievement and worthiness Am I worthy? Am I good enough now? Am I good enough now? Am I lovable now? Is it enough now? Is it enough now? And, you know, that [00:06:00] probably got activated with the first spelling bee. You know, so then when you're on the proverbial top of the mountain is, is a big expression, but you know, you kind of get there finally, finally, when you're doing really well.

And it's like, Hmm, wow. Achievement and worthiness are not related. I like to say that everything's a love problem. I've come to see that whether you have a money problem, a career problem, relationship problems, a food problem, an alcohol problem, everything's a love problem. And only, and only you can solve it.

Meaning, the only love that you ever, that you must have, that's like breath, is yours. And once you start to see that your patterns, unhelpful patterns and your shenanigan-ish patterns [00:07:00] are all because you are sad not having love, you know, desperately trying to find love in the wrong places or feeling completely and totally unworthy of love.

Only you can solve the love problem. Nobody can solve it for you. And when I play this out in my own life and really work on that love piece, which is through daily practices and things like that, and really, and tenderness and healing and all the stuff. All the stuff. Then I, I begin to see that if I fill my own love cup to bursting, then I am, it's coming out my pores. I walk down the street, I'm in a meeting, it's just coming out my pores. And that is my contribution. My own love is just, is just, this energy is emanating from me and that is my contribution to others. My healthy contribution to [00:08:00] others.

Erin: And what's the difference between confidence and self love? Some of what you're talking about strikes me as like, Oh, if I saw you, you would strike me as a confident person. You could show up in the room in that way where you're feeling so good and you're emanating that.

Sheri: Yeah. Here. Okay. So maybe it's confidence. That wasn't the first word I would turn to, but it's, it's more like you would be inspired by the, by that love. That I'm vibing. Right. You would be inspired by the, the care I take of myself. You would be inspired about of how I have my own back. That would, you'd be like moved by that. You'd feel it, you know, energetically like, wow, that's really great. And I want some of that. I want some of that for myself.

Erin: What do you mean by having my own back? Cause I think that. I think a lot about selling myself out and the ways in which I've sold myself out or sort of chosen other people's goals and desires and, and [00:09:00] wants over me. Is that what you mean?

Sheri: Yeah, I think, yeah, for me, it's self betrayal. All the ways I've betrayed myself when I didn't speak my truth because I didn't want somebody upset.

I didn't want to deal with conflict. I didn't want to, you know, I just keep the peace, keep the peace, keep the peace. I give bad yeses. Do things that I want to do do things I didn't want to do I don't really want to do it, but I don't want you to be mad. Mm hmm So that's a self betrayal Because now I am clotting up my life and my calendar with all these things that aren't speaking to my soul That aren't on my agenda, that aren't about my choices in life, and secretly, behind the scenes, even if I don't consciously say the words and acknowledge it to myself, I, I have shown myself how little I value myself.[00:10:00] I've betrayed myself.

Erin: Isn't it amazing that we would rather... Betray ourselves than like have anyone think, Oh, that person's an asshole. That person is selfish. That person is, I feel like we're so trained as women to be other focused and to please others. But I have never been happier than when I'm sort of putting myself at the front of the line and putting my own desires, even as a you know, even as a spouse, even as a mother, like if I don't do what's right for me. And honor my time and honor my goals and like what's in my heart that I'm living in this like really corrupted kind of way where I can't bring my best self to those other roles that I have. It's so interesting that it all has to start from the inside of of you, but that is not how we're raised to be it's not how we're [00:11:00] trained. We're trained to not rock the boat to to do the right thing to be the accommodating person.

Sheri: It's gonna be different for your kids, because you have woken. You have awakened to the truth that the only life you really have to manage is yours and you better get to it.

And you better choose happiness and you better put yourself at the front of the line and you better demonstrate that to others. Because that is the dawn of a new world. And so your children are going to have the example of the wonderful example of somebody who has learned not to betray herself. And, and understands how to tend to her own wellbeing.

No, we were not trained. I mean, my mother put herself last on the list and then was resentful about it. Right. So, so it was this attitude of I have to do everything and, and she did. And listen, I looked at that and went, not for me. Thank you. No, thanks. No, thanks. Dad gets [00:12:00] to come in wearing a hat and a briefcase and sit down with a cocktail and watch the news and not deal with any of this.

No, thanks, mom. I don't like that. I don't like the way that looks. So, but you know, that's the way she was trained, right? So we are the, the, the, the buck stops here. And really these are new behaviors for me or these are new behaviors. I'm on shaky legs. Sometimes I have a thing going on right now with somebody and I can feel my old self saying, just shut up.

You know, don't say anything. Don't rock the boat. You know, you don't want to. Be disliked and, and I, I'm coming face to face with that, right? Even in this. Moment when I'm on this healing journey, right?

Erin: So you're not fixed because like I think we all want to get fixed, right? I think we don't I fucking hate the fact that everything's an evolution.

Sheri: Yeah, I want to to press a button. Fixed!

Erin: I want to like, can I just be done with these [00:13:00] particular issues? I'll take different issues.

Sheri: No, there's always another layer, there's always another burn ceremony. God damn it. I got more resentments, let me write them down and burn them. I think that we're going to be releasing, healing, and up leveling right to our very last breath. I've decided that, gosh, I'm just better get comfortable that this is what evolution looks like.

Erin: Yeah. I feel like. Growing up, I didn't have a lot of models for people who were constantly evolving, right?

You sort of think like in middle age, people kind of calcify into a thing. And I'm seeing a lot of people making the choice. to not do that. But it's a choice of discomfort, you know, it's a, it's a choice of like, you finally got into a place maybe in your life where certain things are comfortable, you know who you are, you know what your skills are, you might have a career that makes a certain amount of money, and then you still have to choose discomfort if you want to [00:14:00] grow.

Sheri: Well, and can it also be a little of this I think a generation or two ago, you didn't live this long, right? So you worked worked worked and then you dropped right? You know? And so what that what's what's new for our consideration is you get to retirement age the old retirement age I don't even like to use that word.

Erin: What even is that now?

Sheri: Yeah, you still might have 25 35 years left to live maybe I can Create a whole new level of conscious living with new dreams and new adventures and new successes and, and, and spiritual expansion and emotional healing and, and new relationships. And maybe I can create a whole new life. And I think that's the yumminess of waking up right now, that it's not too late.

Erin: Yeah, it's not too late. It's not too late. It's not over till it's over. [00:15:00] This is a good moment to go back a little bit in your story, because 20 years in the land of Oprah, and you knew it was ending, right? What was the process for you from the time you learned that the show was ending to your realization of what you wanted to do next?

Was it gradual? Was it sudden?

Sheri: I think what ends up happening is you get to the point of completion and every everything is run its course. Everybody, everybody's kind of done and, you know, to be, to have worked so hard and given so much and to find myself that unhappy was kind of like, which is my job. That isn't anybody else's job. And was, it was kind of like a measure of how poorly I had stewarded my own well being.

Erin: Hmm. Even in the midst of the Oprah. Revolution, which had [00:16:00] women looking at their lives in a totally different way, looking inside themselves in a totally different way than had ever really been done before.

Sheri: And listen, I would say my, my greatest benefit from, from those 20 years was that experience gave open doors to a real spiritual life for me. And so I got that benefit. I took notes when the experts came on. I read the books. I mean, I, I definitely was steeped in that, but healing the patterns of self betrayal and codependency and, and no boundary setting and in, in, in an environment that's going to tweak all those, like really trigger all those things for me.

Erin: I think it's so interesting that you were a behind the scenes person. And then on the over behind the scenes TV show, you let it all hang out, right? Like you were being documented moment to moment in the making of the show. So you were suddenly on camera. [00:17:00] And then in this new incarnation of your life, you're out front.

You went from being the person who enables the big boss to shine to being the big boss. And going from not being seen to being seen. That feels like a really big change. And I would love to understand how you came to make the decision that that was okay, that you were willing. Well, welcome to the water.

Sheri: Just step out front.

Erin: I, I mean, this is why I'm asking. It's a profound shift.

Sheri: Yeah, it's a, it's a profound shift. And why, why, and it's why it was difficult. Yeah. So I, I was a year late getting in my manuscript in. Uh, for my memoir, because I had anxiety about being in front of the curtain and I, it was a real push me, pull you situation.

And [00:18:00] then, then I was like, come on, come on, come on. You know, who wouldn't, you know, want a book deal with a big publisher? Come on. And so, you know, I, I. Push myself forward. There was a lot of healing and even writing the story Yeah and and then You know I I think I was on book tour and I was signing books and like I was like this is kind of magical People are showing up to hear me read and then I'm signing books.

That's kind of magical and what I started to realize is oh This is actually a healing piece for me This isn't really what it looks like, like, like me talking vulnerably about my failures and mistakes is a very much a healing piece, because what I'm greeted with isn't derision, what I'm greeting with, greeted with is, I feel so much better about myself.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And so I'm like, Oh, okay. Well, if that's what this is going to be about and not me [00:19:00] just trying to be a front of house person, then I can make that matter to myself. I can make that meaningful and matter. So that has unfolded in its own way. And I don't think because I didn't pursue it and I wasn't like I didn't grow up like wanting to be that that sometimes it's still like when I like I'm leaving to go do I have two big speaking things next week and it's I'll have to talk to myself for a second.

It isn't like I'm like, give me the stage, start the music, you know, here I am, it's, you know, it still is a, it still is a, a bit of a coaxing that I have to go through and a sweetness I have to do with myself. So I, I can work through those uncomfortable feelings.

Erin: What feels the riskiest about it for you, the, [00:20:00] the, the being out front?

Like, where do you feel like you're, you're risking something?

Sheri: Listen, I still have a little bit of that old schoolyard wound. Who does she think she is? Win a Spelling Bee or, you know, make the honor of who does she think she is? I have, I have some wounding around that.

Erin: Yeah, I think we all do. Uh, I mean, I remember an early conversation with you where I was like, is this narcissistic that I, that I want to be out front? You know, is this, I feel a little bit ashamed about that desire to have a voice and to be public.

Sheri: Honestly, it was part of your training. Yeah, I think attention to yourself. Don't stand in the middle of the room. You're talking too much. Your voice is too loud. You're all she wants to do is be the center of attention. It's all that.

Erin: Right. And also like you're not pretty enough. You're not thin enough. You're not, you know, you're not the smartest. You're not the this. You're not the [00:21:00] that. Like if you were those things, then you would be qualified. But since you're not, you know, I think I put in my 10, 000 hours. Yeah. As a child in just shutting up and listening and, and being a mirror for other people as opposed to, even though I was like always trying to be Annie or whatever, I was just not destined to be Annie on the Broadway show of Annie.

That is really what I thought. I mean, I, I used acting as a way as a kid to like, be like, hi, I deserve some focus and attention, but I find it even. More exciting and empowering like now to be in meaningful conversations with people. I admire. I'm curious. Like what was at stake for you when you thought about what you want to do next?

Sheri: Well, I mean, I think of my human self. I might have been a little in a twirl initially. [00:22:00] Like, is it going to be good enough and, and there, there was some of that, but honestly, I think it really only took me a little bit of time with, with my calendar empty and creating space for me to be like, nothing is as it appears.

I know that's true of everybody. I am going to stop selling myself that made up story that we all end up believing about everybody but ourselves, which I'm just going to, well, which is that every, everybody's so happy and they're so in love and you know what I mean? They've got piles of money in the bank and you know, people are beating down the door, you know, that, that story is not true.

And, and, and not my business anyway, because, you know, I have, I've sat in the high seat and I know people probably thought a lot of [00:23:00] things about me. And success is an internal conversation. It's not an external comparison. Rick Rubin said that.

Erin: Oh, Rick Ribbon, that book is wonderful. That book is wonderful.

Sheri: Yeah. But success is an internal conversation because you realize that, Oh, okay, well there was a time in my life where external validation felt like mother's milk, you know, like, Oh, finally, finally, finally. Yeah. And then when you realize that's not going to heal your wounds. That's not gonna make you feel worthy. That's not gonna fill your love cup because it's an external thing. Then you're like, well shit, Well, that's not all that

Erin: How am I gonna get the validation I need?

Sheri: That's worth about two cents in a cup of coffee Jeepers. Yeah, not anything like I thought so, you know, what ends up happening is You get real, you get clear, you're, you're in a [00:24:00] more truthful space and you say, and you already know, like I've been to the kingdom and I know, so I will not fool myself again about what really matters and what's really true and whose opinion I really need to care about, which is my own and whose, whose approval I really need to seek, which is my own and whose love, the only love I need, which is my own.

And then everything else is gravy. But you can't, you know, you, that other way, that other way is the way of depression, anxiety, sadness, feeling not enough, feeling like is that all there is, burnout, feeling like you're, you're, burnout, you're not living at your highest level, you know it should be better, but it's not.

Erin: And compensation, right? Like I found when I was like grinding so hard in the professional world. And making money, I wasn't saving that [00:25:00] money because I was spending it to compensate for how hard I was working. So it was like, well, I deserve this, and I deserve that, and I'm gonna need to go on a real vacation in order to, you know, make up for how hard I'm working.

And then you're just in this cycle of too much of everything, right? And not enough inside. Like all the externals get bigger, but it doesn't solve the internal stuff.

Sheri: Yeah, it doesn't. It does not solve the internal stuff, which is why if you're willing to roll, if you really want that great last half, last third of your life, if you really can see what we're talking about, which is that everything is shifting, the paradigm is shifting, the possibilities are limitless.

I really truly believe there's never been a better time in human history to be alive than right now. And if you truly, if you can catch a little piece of that and understand, get a little bit of that. Yeah, I see that. Then [00:26:00] you're off, you're off to wonderland. You got to start healing. You got to start releasing.

You've got to give up. You've got to really look at those patterns. You got to focus on the story you tell yourself. You got to infuse your life. I think this is what helps me with daily practices and a little ritual and ceremony because Erin, I just want to remind myself. I'm a ceremony girl. I want to remind myself that this life experience as Sheri Salata on planet Earth.

It's one and done. It is precious. It is sacred. There is a reverence. There is a miraculous aspect to it that I'll never be able to fully understand in this 3D human experience. So that's really, I try to make that with my work every day, which is really getting the reverence. really watching my patterns, really requiring myself to live [00:27:00] at the level of my healing and not just keep going back to my same old self.

Like what, you know, it's like, I have an understanding. I've had a shift. I have a new perspective. Now let me integrate that and live at that level.

Erin: Right. And that's hard. That's a daily Discipline, that's a daily practice, that's a commitment to doing things differently every day. And I, you know, I so want to not have to do all that stuff.

You know, as much as I enjoy journaling and meditation and lighting candles and incense, I do all the shit now. I do all the shit. I went from being like, fuck this. I'm like. You know, I'm power lady. I don't need the softer stuff. I don't want the woo. I still don't really want the woo, but I know that the woo really helps.

And I know, I know that if I miss now, if I miss a day of meditation, I'm fucked. Like my day [00:28:00] just doesn't go as well because I didn't take the time to be in that inner space. that is quiet and peaceful and cosmic.

Sheri: Listen, I'm doing all the things, my friend. I've been in plant medicine journeys for the last couple years. Um, I'm, I'm in all of that expansive experimentation, you know, guided, of course, I'm not just taking myself all over the place.

Erin: Well, fuck it, even if you were.

Sheri: Like ceremonies and really like that. That, that, I love that, I love that word cosmic, that, that really that mystical adventure of having the experience of this multi dimensional quantum life we're living.

Erin: What does that mean, quantum life?

Sheri: Well, it means in, in the quantum, in the quantum field, everything is happening. All possibilities are there. All possibilities are available. And it's, it's understanding that what you see [00:29:00] is about 1 percent of what's going on. Oh, that's definitely true. We are all energy and we, we can connect across space and time in, in a million ways and that we are receivers, we're receiving downloads, we're projecting things out.

We're not just meat suits walking around talking like there's a, a much bigger thing going on. We are literally summing, summoning our lives to us. Through our thoughts and our energy and our vibration and our conscious intention and our actions, right?

Erin: Because none none of it is anything without actions like you can't just you know the seat member the secret like everybody was obsessed with the secret and if you know if I just Like say the right things and I think the right things that my life will change And I think there that is true to a degree, but then you've got to walk the walk Then you've got to like live in that meat suit and take physical action and practical [00:30:00] action.

I don't believe that manifestation is, I believe in an intention setting, and I believe in getting really fucking clear. But then I believe in just like putting in the work, just doing the things you have to do to get it done.

Sheri: Well, I'm gonna give you another point of view on that.

Erin: Okay, good.

Sheri: That our actions are completely informed by the stories we are telling ourselves.

Erin: Agreed.

Sheri: So, none of that inspired action is not, I, listen, I worked my ass off. And, and in an unconscious way. So inspired action really flows from thoughts and thinking. And you know, it's a shame, it's a shame that, you know, the world was ready for The Secret, which was the, the first worldwide discussion of the law of attraction.

It's a shame that it got so kind of clownish. It's a [00:31:00] shame because there's some real wisdom in there, which is you are a magnet. Yes. For life experiences and you want to shift your thinking and shift that story and really pay attention to those things that are creating your energy and informing your actions.

And that's, that's, you know, then, then your life begins to change. We've all been around somebody who is like a, a, a sour Sadie. And the worse it gets, the worse it gets, the worse it gets, and you know, you can't complain your way to the life of your dreams, my friends. You know, you can't grouse about every single thing to the life of your dreams.

It really is, it begins with, how can I get satisfied with where I'm at right now and appreciative? And then build on that and every time I can get back to that simplicity, like the abundance that's in my [00:32:00] life right now, the, the joy that's in my life right now, I call it playing the what's working game.

How can I walk through my day and just, just notice what's working. This is working, this is working and this is working. And it's a real practice for me because I grew up with a mother who had the eye for everything that wasn't working. It's like, that doesn't look good. You've got a stain on this. This doesn't taste right. Well, it's okay. This restaurant put this in this and this..

Erin: Chronic dissatisfaction. I have that in my family too, no matter how amazing the experience.

Sheri: I mean, I'm a, I'm a student of Abraham Hicks and I've been following them for 18 years. So that's my spiritual path. So I think this was the best spiritual advice and it only took three words. It didn't take a thousand page book. It was three words. Manage your mood.

Erin: I'd still be married. I'd still be married.

Sheri: Would you?

Erin: If we all managed our moods. 100%. Yeah. [00:33:00]

Sheri: Manage your mood. Yeah. Manage your mood. I mean, all good things come. Good things come when you manage your mood.

Erin: And it's not like... I'm trying to my kids. I'm trying to teach that to my kids. Yes. But it's hard. Manage your mood. Because they get a lot of attention when their moods are out of control. They get a lot of, like... Something they're missing and I want to be like, you know what? You're getting less of what you need when you're constantly hysterical.

Sheri: Yeah, that's true. And at the end of the day, I'm gonna also say this that you're embodying the Modern the new paradigm is the best teaching you can give and the rest they're gonna figure it out I mean I figured out I had to manage my mood when I was about 55 So, you know, it took, it took me a while.

Erin: Yeah. Isn't it amazing? It seems so infuriating that some things just take so long to learn.

Sheri: I know. That's why you and I go out and say, that's what I say that my, my book is a cautionary tale for young people, you [00:34:00] know, older people are like, yeah, yeah, life begins. I can do it. But the younger people are like, Oh shit, I'm not doing that.

Erin: So. Yeah. Well, they're not going to avoid fucking up. Sorry, they're going to fuck up too. Yeah. Nobody, nobody gets away with it. You said one really profound thing to me that has stuck with me. I think you said it once. And I, I have heard it a thousand times since then. And it is so simple. It's like echoes in my head every day.

But you said, how much time do you think you have left? How much time do you think you have left? And if, and, and you don't know, you just don't know no matter how old you are. No matter where you are in life, you don't know. So you better get to it.

Sheri: Yeah. And even, even so, yeah, I, I say that to myself every day too. And I think of, I think of us, I imagine us all with expiration dates on our forehead. Oh yeah. Like that day, that day is upon us. Who knows? Maybe [00:35:00] it's tomorrow. We've all known people that just didn't wake up and they were young and what, you know, who knows? Who knows? And, and really if you'll be here today, consciously.

And this day, this might be the only day you get. So live it up. Yeah. You know, this day is the only day that you are assured of. So, so live it up and, you know, looking out to the future, how much time do you think you have? It's never too late, but..

Erin: But bust a move. Get going.

Sheri: How much time? How much time?

Erin: Sheri, I'm, I'm asking everyone who I'm talking to this one question and it is this. Is there a contract in your life or a deal term in your life that you are ready to renegotiate? It can be big or small. Is there something for you that comes to mind?

Sheri: Yeah, there's something for me that comes to mind and that [00:36:00] is, well, it's an, it's, it's a new part of my contract, but one of my life requirements is to continue to embrace and expand my understanding.

That things, relationships, situations are meant to come to completion most of the time to become comfortable with completion. And I know I wasn't trained in that. To be like, yep, I'm done here. Thank you so much. And off I go the next thing. Not everything's meant to last for decades or your entire life.

And to get that's my, my, my new life requirement is being comfortable with completion, letting things be over and not being driven by my mother's guilt. You really should don't be like that, you know, or whatever, like really being okay with completion. It's okay when things are over. [00:37:00] And you don't have to this.

This I heard from Rachel cargo, who is a great teacher on on Instagram. She and I were having a conversation and she said, you know, you don't have to hate your life. To want more and to want to change and to create the next version of your life. You don't have to hate the life you have right now. And I think that is the small game I played for a lot of years, which is I'd have to be so mad to end a relationship that really had run its course. I'd have to be so sick and tired to leave a job that I probably should have left, like get, get better at leaving.

Erin: I mean, I had to almost die of COVID to leave my marriage. Like It had to get real fucking serious, real life or death for me to, to declare it over when it was over for many, many, many, many years.

Sheri: And that old game of talking myself into stuff when I know the truth, I want to get [00:38:00] good. Like when I know something is done, let me wrap it with love and blessings and move on down the road.

Erin: That's so huge. That's so profound. Okay. One last thing. Okay. So if you could distill the message of this conversation of the work that you're doing, what is it that you would want listeners to take away from your story?

Sheri: So I look at this season of human history as the great reinvention. And I think my life has been very patterned that way. I didn't tell you I had 20 jobs before I started at Oprah at 35. I, I've had made a lot of wrong turns and had a lot of mistakes. So what I'm doing now is my feet are firmly on the path of transformation and I embrace it.

I want to, I want to move energy. I want to evolve. I want to grow. I want to stay on that path of transformation. I want to get to my last breath and say, yay, what's [00:39:00] next? And I am creating room on my path for other people to walk with me. And that's, that's really my work now in the world.

Erin: I love it. And that's what the support system is all about. Everybody should check out sherisalotta. com and read The Beautiful No. And we have a special workbook for listeners that we're going to put in the show notes. Yeah. So thank you so much for your time today, Sheri. You have been a profound force in my life and so many other women's lives who I've met through your work. And uh, I'm just grateful for you.

Sheri: I'm grateful for you. I'm so grateful for you, Erin. And I am so excited. Think of me in the front row seat, jumping to my feet, applauding everything you're doing and rooting for your great success, your most highest healing, your most joyful life.

Erin: I will, I will definitely do that. Okay. [00:40:00] Lots of love.

Sheri: Lots of love. Bye. Bye.

Erin: Thanks for listening to Hotter Than Ever. If you enjoyed this episode and the things we talked about resonated with you, please follow the show on whatever platform you're listening to right now.

Tell all of your closest friends and rate and review us on Apple Podcasts. Hotter Than Ever is produced by Erica Gerard and PodKit Productions. Our associate producer is Lina Reibstein. Music is by Chris Keating with vocals by Issa Fernandez. Come back next week. There's so much more to talk about.


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