Erin: Welcome to Hotter Than Ever Listener Mail. I'm your host, Erin Keating. And in these new short weekly episodes, I give you my opinionated and not at all officially qualified feedback about the questions, problems, quandaries, and dilemmas that you have posed to me about love, sex, relationships, career, aging, ambition, divorce, and anything else that's on your mind.
I got this great question DM to me @hotterthaneverpod on Instagram, and I thought I'd take a shot at giving a personal response. So here's what it says:
"Hey girl, I'm so glad I found your podcast. We share such a similar story and you are so inspiring.
Why thank you.
"In 2021 I almost died from double COVID pneumonia and I was in the hospital ICU for two weeks. I'm now 51, have two adult children and was married and with him for 30 years. My divorce was granted in July. Anyway, I'm a strong, independent, professional woman. And now I just want to have fun.
Oh girl, I hear you.
"I've recently reconnected with my high school crush and it is so hot. We have matured, raised families and aged. I love his bald head, and he digs my rolls. I'm very confident, but I've got to ask, how do I keep his interest without scaring him away? We used to just put notes in our lockers, and now there's texts, and I want to keep his attention. You're the best. Thank you."
Oh, God. I love this note so much. First of all, I'm so glad you didn't die of double COVID pneumonia. Oh, my God. That was really right on the edge there, wasn't it? That is so scary. And I'm so glad that you used it as an opportunity to course correct in your life and to give yourself a chance. The freedom and permission to live out the rest of your life, just as you choose. It's a hard decision, but I don't know anyone who's done it, who regrets it.
Yeah. Transitions are a motherfucker, but change is amazing. I love that you've reconnected with your high school crush. God, something about rekindling things with someone from the past. I had a high school boyfriend. We could not stop sleeping together into our 20s. And like, it wasn't good anymore, right?
But we just were always trying to recapture whatever it was that we had chemistry wise, connection wise in the beginning. I'm so glad you're having success with that and that it's turning you on and that he's accepting you and admiring you and that you're feeling the same about him. That is so great.
So the crux of your question is how do I keep his interest without scaring him away? We used to just put a notes in our lockers and now there's texts and I want to keep his attention. Here's what I'll say. You keep his interest. By being you, you be the most fully self expressed version of yourself, you be clear and honest and fun and sexy, which I can tell that you are.
And if that's what he's into and he's along for the ride, fucking great. Oh my God. It's kismet when that happens. It's a miracle when that happens, isn't it? When you're alone and you imagine being with someone. It's hard to even conceive of getting to a stage where you're feeling so connected with someone.
So appreciate what it is that you have right now. And you can't do anything to keep his interest without scaring him away. All you can do is do you and be really clear about what it is that you're enjoying, what it is that you like about him, what is working for you, and maybe if it comes up, what is not working for you in this dynamic.
And if you sense that you want it to evolve in some way, then you've got to time that conversation. Right? You've got to pick your moment and have that conversation. But it doesn't sound to me like you're saying, how do I get him to fall in love with me and marry me and be a stepdad? That is not what I'm hearing.
You have two adult children. You just want to keep the fires burning. And I will say. If it's hot and it's mutual, the fires will keep burning. And if he gets scared away, then he's a scaredy cat. And if you can keep the fires burning because it's mutual, then fantastic. And if you can't look who you are now.
Look who you have allowed yourself to become someone who is confident and sexy and mature. And there are plenty of fish in the sea. You don't have to have gone to high school with them. You don't have to have slipped notes in his locker. There are these things called dating apps. They are very successful or there wouldn't be so many of them.
If he's your guy, and he's into you, and you're into him, it will continue, and he will stay interested. There is no way to scare away something that is meant for you. There is no way to scare away someone who is meant for you. If he's your guy and you're meant to keep it going, you'll keep it going. And if the fire fizzles or something weird happens, okay, I wouldn't sweat it too much.
Now, you know that all of this is possible for you. You then have to go out with some clearer intention and maybe less convenience than having known someone in high school, but maybe with more possibility and more options out there in the world, you'll find someone if this ends. That's even better. Or you'll at least have some fucking stories to tell along the way.
You can't keep his interest. He's either interested or he's not. You can't scare him away or not scare him away. He's either going to stick around or he's not going to stick around. No one can make anyone do anything or be anyone that they don't want to be. I think we think it's possible. I don't think it's possible.
And that's probably a good thing, right? Just to relieve yourself of the idea that you can somehow control this situation. Give it up to the universe. Let the universe keep it or not keep it as it sees fit. Clearly this was meant for you right now because it's happening. There are plenty of other things that are meant for you too. And plenty of bald guys out there, by the way, plenty of hot bald guys.
Thanks for listening to Hotter Than Ever Listener Mail. How can you ask a question? I'm so glad you asked DM us @hotterthaneverpod on Instagram or leave me a voicemail or text the hotter than ever hottie hotline. Yes, that's the Hotter Than Ever Hottie Hotline at 323 844 2303. Like an infomercial, I'll say that number again. That's the Hotter Than Ever Hottie Hotline at 323 844 2303. I would love to answer your question in a future episode.
Hotter Than Ever is produced by Erica Girard and PodKit Productions. Our Associate Producer is Melody Carey. Music is by Chris Keating with vocals by Issa Fernandez.
Thanks for listening to Listener Mail.